21 years old.

After being so occupied with my daily life , I'm able to sit down in front of my old lousy laptop to finally blog about my birthday, at 4:11AM when I'm supposed to be sleeping. First thing first, I wanna thank every single one of you who made it to my birthday party despite the distance, secondly thank you for entertaining within your little groups because I honestly am trying my best to go to different groups to not make you guys feel so awkward. Sorry if the food / cake wasn't satisfying ☹It's already May, time passed really really fast. My god, time....please slow down, I don't even have time to really relax and process what's exactly going on in my life. Within these five months, I've so many people walking into and out of my life and I myself caused unnecessary drama for myself and for a period of time I was completely losing it, well, whatever happened has happened, I made mistakes but I've learnt my mistake, beside that, I'm terribly sorry for the people I've let down / go along the way, things just don't seemed to go well and this whole thing is my fault, not yours. 


Feelings fade, people change, really apologetic for those that I've hurt. 

To my special boy, thank you for stepping into my hectic life and accepting me for who I am. I am sorry that you have to learn to adapt to my way of life, I am sorry that I screwed up, I am sorry for making you feel so stressed, I am sorry that you find it tough to love me. I've changed and I am not someone who loves easily, it takes a lot for me to fall and stay in love with someone, and surprisingly it's you who caught me off guard. Promises aren't lasting but you have my word when I say I'm going to make us work, I won't give up easily and I promised to give my 100% to you because that is what you are doing. Despite you having your army duties, you wouldn't spare a second thought taking leave just for me, I admit everything between the both of us is like a bullet train, all progressing too fast but like what you said, 有时爱情要冲动. HAHA, thank you for being here for me throughout my major milestones, I never would have thought I would be spending them with you, really.

12th May - My graduation

13th May - My brother's birthday 

14th May - My 21st birthday

 

This is just the beginning, there will definitely be more to come, we'll get through all of it, be it happiness or quarrels or whatever, as long as we are together. I love you, I really do. 

Specially thanks to my 4 wenyi girls, June, Amos, Aloy, Sandy and gzb for being here for me too, what would I do without you, really. I'm really thankful our paths crossed and I really wouldn't want to do anything to lose the bond I have with everyone of you, 

Lastly, I would like to thank every single one of you who attended my birthday party and to those who wished me too, I really appreciated it, thank you (*＾▽＾)／

Maybe.

Maybe I just need time alone, maybe I just need to find the real me back, the me who can love people the way I want to be love, the me who can treasure everyone who walk into my life and actually stayed. I have been so clueless nowadays and I am terribly sorry for the people who I inevitably pushed away along the way. I need time, I need time to think about what am I actually doing, time to mend all the mistakes that I've made. 
This is my busiest week and also, my happiest week, alot of things gonna happen this week, I cant wait! Now, time for me to head to sleep so I can attend my brother's graduation tomorrow. 
Cannot believe 3 years in Ngee Ann actually passed by like that, I cannot believe it. 

Going and not going to.

Not going to waste my time and effort on something that is already broken. 

Not going to give a fuck to anything that's hindering my happiness.

Not going to let anyone bring me down.

Not going to trust anyone because trusting people just got me into deep shit.

Not going to break down and cry in front of people anymore.

Not going to let anyone hurt me emotionally.

Not going to let anyone know my weakness.

Not going to forgive people easily anymore.

Not going to care about anything.

Not going to reply people who make use of you for their own benefits.

Not going to entertain people who is of no relation to me. 

Not going to get involve in anything that is not related to me.
Not going to tell anyone anything much anymore.
Not going to show my emotions out.
Not going to say anything from now on.

Going to reflect on myself 
Going to reflect on my actions
Going to find myself back

Going to be happy and cheerful

Going to lose weight

Going to go to the gym and work on my body

Going to make full use of my time

Going to just live with the "one step at a time" mindset

Going to be on my best self.
Going to leave this fked up place
Going to leave for good.

I'm tired of this place.

Hello! Just got back from Bali last night, super super lazy to do anything but I have to move my butt and prepare for work :< 

Shall post all the amazing shots I took in Bali soon. Heart's feeling a little heavy and I don't know why. I just hope everything is as smooth sailing, I do not really want to go back to being upset anymore. Please God help me in this, help me remove negative people away from my life. It took me a lot to get rid of this darkness, I don't want to fall back into it.

On the journey to one of the beaches, this song pop up, I doubt you remember it but I still do, the song that brought us together. 

I gave wrong people the right pieces of me.

Before I let all of this thoughts sink in and kill me emotionally, I shall just rant everything here. Its been so long since I felt like this, deep in my thoughts with a heavy heart. I guess it has come to a point whereby we shouldn't even have any point of contact, don't you think so? We weren't together officially for a long time but the on and off for that whole year was enough to set things straight. I was there for you through your high and lows but all I got from you was nothing but lies and hurt. I was there when you were in trouble with the police, I was there to calm you down when you were angry and wanted to resort to violence to strangers who pushed you, I was there when no one else were, I was there for your birthday, I was there when you were alone. I was there through almost everything with you. But where were you? Where were you when I needed you the most? Where were you on my birthday? Where were you when I was struggling for my exams? Where were you when I needed a listening ear? 

All that I had been, all that I've sacrificed was not enough to make you stay. To say the truth, I would love to be back in your arms again, but what if history repeats? What if you walk out of my life once again? What will I ever do if all this repeats? Things will never be the same you should know it yourself. I know no one is sure what is going to happen, so why not end it when we are still in control?

I am completely different now, I have bigger priorities and I won't think twice to cut anyone off. I cannot love anyone properly anymore, and I'm really sorry for those whom I let go along the way. I keep a lot of things to myself now and all I want is to focus on my career and have fun. You want to fuck around and hurt people, then leave me out of it. I had enough, I am done and I am gone. Being 21 do not really mean much but it is enough to wake me up and focus on greater things. Maybe when things are clearer and when you really know who and what you want, then perhaps we can be friends. But for now, I don't want to have anything to do with you. 

Take care.